Review: It Ends With Us by Colleen Hoover

It Ends With Us Colleen Hoover
It Ends With Us Colleen Hoover cover

Title: It Ends With Us 
Author: Colleen Hoover 
Series: Stand-alone 
Genre: Contemporary, New Adult 
Publication date: August 2, 2016 
Rating: ★★★★★ 

Lily hasn't always had it easy, but that's never stopped her from working hard for the life she wants. She's come a long way from the small town in Maine where she grew up - she graduated from college, moved to Boston, and started her own business. So when she feels a spark with a gorgeous neurosurgeon named Ryle Kincaid, everything in Lily's life suddenly seems almost too good to be true. Ryle is assertive, stubborn, and maybe even a little arrogant. He's also sensitive, brilliant, and has a total soft spot for Lily, but Ryle's complete aversion to relationships is disturbing. As questions about her new relationship overwhelm her, so do thoughts of Atlas Corrigan - her first love and a link to the past she left behind. He was her kindred spirit, her protector. When Atlas suddenly reappears, everything Lily has built with Ryle is threatened.

Just because someone hurts you doesn't mean you can simply stop loving them. It's not a person's actions that hurt the most. It's the love. If there was no love attached to the action, the pain would be a little easier to bear.

I want to start out by warning you. Because no one warned me and being completely unprepared for what happened was not an experience I want to relive anytime soon. I’m not going to tell you what happens exactly. Just… be careful. This is not light and fun. It’s deeply emotional.

But holy crap this book. This is my second novel by Colleen Hoover but I dare say this is unlike every other book she’s ever written. It’s strong. It runs deep. Every line of emotion, every single thought, felt real and rang true. Shot straight to my heart. The power of this story is almost beyond words. It needed to be written. It needs to be heard. I felt the story and realized it couldn’t possibly be just a story. The emotions were too honest for it to be purely fiction.

The book is told trough first person POV. Lily Bloom has had no easy childhood and at the age of twenty-three, in some ways she already carries more weight on her shoulders than some people will in their entire life. But she refuses to let herself be defined by it. She searches for the beauty in the world. She’s still full of dreams she hopes to one day fulfil.

I admired Lily. We experienced everything through her eyes and I could find myself in everything she felt. When she was happy, so was I. When she fell in love, so did I. When she was confused, I didn’t understand either. Her fear was my fear. Her heartache was mine. Every ounce of it.

It Ends With Us is complex. Full of heart wrenching grey zones. Nothing is simple. Nothing is straightforward. It’s really clever. It somehow makes sense of something that can’t ever make sense at all. This story was good, but it was also so so wrong. There is so much confusion and doubt. So much disbelief and anger. I will never read this book again. I can’t. I hated it. I hated every single page of it. I hated the pages that made me fall in love as bad as I hated the ones that thrust a knife in my back. For better or for worse. Thinking of the ‘better’ causes me as much pain as thinking of the ‘worse’.

Just because someone hurts you doesn't mean you can simply stop loving them. It's not a person's actions that hurt the most. It's the love. If there was no love attached to the action, the pain would be a little easier to bear.

Yes, this quote again. Because it explains everything. Why I’m hurting. Grieving. Yesterday evening when I finished the book I was a complete mess. When I woke up this morning, I still felt miserable. It doesn’t happen all that often that I can’t distance myself at all. I’m at school now and I should be working, but instead I’m writing this. I need to write this. Need to get these feelings out of me. I hate that this book shattered something so profound inside of me.

My belief. My faith in love. Because it was pure and honest and beautiful. It betrayed me. And then I hated myself for making excuses. For letting denial slip in. For the tears I cried for Ryle. For almost pretending it didn't happen. For wishing so bad it didn't happen. I have to. Because I have to keep believing. I simply can't deal with the alternative even though I know I have to. That this story is based on personal experience. That it is possible for something so lovely and thrilling and beautiful and seemingly pure to turn into something so vile. There was so much love in all this pain. I feel completely powerless.

We break the pattern before the pattern breaks us.

Most of all I feel regret. For everything that could have been. For Colleen and her mother and everything they had to go through. For every person out there who experienced something similar. This book is so strong. Beautiful and cleverly written. Full of painful naked truths and agony. And hope. Despite everything there is also is hope. Its threads almost too weak to hold on to, but nonetheless there. Beauty in the chaos. People to care about. Hope in second chances. But these feelings are not yet strong enough to take the upper hand. The hurt and betrayal are too fresh. This should not have happened. Reality can be so fucking cruel sometimes. I guess that's why I spend a lifetime trying to escape it.

Cycles exist because they are excruciating to break. It takes an astronomical amount of pain and courage to disrupt a familiar pattern. Sometimes it seems easier to just keep running in the same familiar circles, rather than facing the fear of jumping and possibly not landing on your feet.

It stops here. With me and you. It ends with us.

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